Favorite Jokes

Q: How do you keep a dog from pooping in your front yard?
A: Put it in your backyard!

Two teen girls are walking in the woods when one looks down and says, "Look - is that dog doo?"
The other bends down and smells it, "Smells like dog doo."
They both stick their fingers in it, "Feels like dog doo."
They taste it, "Tastes like dog doo!"
One says to the other, "Sure glad we didn't step in it!"

Q: What do dogs call frozen poop?
A: Poopsicles

Q: What do you call a vegetarian dog with diarrhea?
A: A salad shooter.

Q: What did one doggie buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
A: Together, we can stop this crap!

A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.
He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure.
Luckily, the family dog lies down behind his chair. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.
He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get out from behind there!"
The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another, louder fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to move.
Then he lets go with a real honker. This time the woman yells, "Darn it Spot, get over here before he poops on you!"

A man walks into a grocery store, gets two dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out. The Manager thinks that this guy probably doesn't have a cat and might be feeding cat food to his kids. He asks the man to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. The man goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.

Next week the man comes in, picks two dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he probably doesn't have a dog and he will feed the dog-food to his kids. He asks the man to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. The man goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.

Next week the man comes to the grocery store with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately pulls it out. He shouts, "What! There's nothing but poop in this bag!"

The man calmly replies: "Yes, that's right, and now I'd like two dozen rolls of toilet paper, if you please."

Here I sit all broken hearted
went to poop, but only farted.

Later on I took a chance.
Went to fart and pooped my pants.

Now I sit, I'm at a loss
Trying to poop out taco sauce

I know I'm gonna drop a load
I only hope I don't explode!